Is it important to have a shared value system with a potential mate?
There are values and ideals that each of us hold dear and therefore, it is ideal that your potential mate share those values you hold dear. They may be our Christian beliefs or our attitude toward the environment or the way we treat other people. These are values and ideals we strive to uphold in our daily lives. At PerfectMatch.com we identify Christian values and ideals that, when considered in the matching process, help create deep, intimate and long-term relationships. Often, when people say they have found their soul mate, what they are really saying is that they have found someone with whom they are totally comfortable. That comfort level often means that their most important values and ideals are respected by their partner.
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Q:
I just ended a two year relationship with a man I was deeply in love with. When does the pain go away? Will joining Perfectmatch make me feel better, or worse? I can't stop thinking about him. How can I ever fall in love again?
A:
The good news is the pain does go away. The bad news is it hurts for a long time, and lingers longer than most of us want to admit. Love is a deep, powerful emotion. It literally changes our body chemistry. When someone deprives us of our desire to love and be with them, our whole system goes tilt. Often, we actually crave their company even more. It's like someone just took an addictive substance away from us, which is actually what happens. We are high on hormones like dopamine, androgyny and oxytocin. When love goes, the hormones we were producing go, too. We then feel anxious, deprived and sometimes hysterical.
Friends can help us through this period. Eventually, looking for another relationship will make you feel better. Part of it's the idea you "get back on the horse"; meaning you face the thing which hurt and scared you. By facing it, you get stronger and will be more able to do whatever it is you have to do. When you're in the most painful part of the separation, it may be too early to go out. However, once you get better, there's nothing like falling in love again to erase the pain, and even the desire, for the person you used to love.
Eventually ready or not, you have to distract yourself by meeting new people. In the beginning, you may just reject everyone, or make it so they reject you. Perhaps no one will seem good enough, and at times, it may make things feel even more hopeless. But this will change, and going out with other men will start looking better to you. When you meet the right one, a relationship will seem like something you can do again. Thoughts of your ex-boyfriend will begin to be fewer and less intense. Then one glorious day, you suddenly realize, you can love again!
It's not easy. However, ultimately we can't let ourselves love a memory. We have to move forward. This is where Perfectmatch.com and its revolutionary Duet® Analysis Profile, will help you immensely! I know…it may be hard to believe it now, but you will love again. In fact, eventually you may look back and see your break-up as a lucky thing. You were able to see the flaws in the past relationship. And the new man in your life? Well, you'll now be thrilled with the new person you thoroughly adore and your life-long relationship together!
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